Wanna read something depressing?

One night shortly after we moved, my sister and I took a walk through the pasture. When we got behind the trees, it was pitch dark. I suggested we turn back, but nothing ever scared her. We followed the tree line to the back fence. At some point on the way back we were laughing because we kept bumping into each other, and she said "We may as well be walking around with our eyes closed!"

So that's exactly what we did.

I remember that the pasture seemed endless with our eyes shut. In the dark, boundaries didn't exist.

I wonder if that's what it's like when you die. You close your eyes, and for the last time, boundaries disappear.

I was outside tonight. I stood with my eyes shut.

And then came in and tried not to cry.

But ever since all I can think about is how much I wanted to crawl in my grama's hospital bed and snuggle up against her when she died. And I know I would have too. Right in front of everyone. But I didn't for 2 reasons.

1. Her arms were still hooked up to IVs and monitors.
2. There wasn't room for my fat ass.