Parenting. Stacy Style.

Me: "There's nowhere in the parenting handbook that says I have to be fair."
Bre: "I think they added it in the revised version."
And then she took a drink of MY pop! So I hit her for a slug bug. That's right girlie, no hit backs!

A few minutes ago I asked Chris if he changed his underwear. He said yes. So of course my follow up is "Really? Are you sure they don't smell like butt?" Then he spent the next 5 minutes or so trying to make me smell his butt.

On the way home from karate Brenna was eating a hamburger. When she started to take a bite I smooshed it in her face and yelled "YUMMY!"

The other night Chris came to me from his room..
C: "I heard a noise."
Me: "It was probably a monster."
C: *small giggle* "I didn't see a monster."
Me: "That's because he's invisible."
C: "Are you kidding?"
Me: "What do you think?"
C: "I know I heard a noise."
Me: "Hmm. That's weird. Usually monsters don't make any noise while you're awake. They hide and wait for you to fall asleep, so they can eat your face."

Once when Brenna was little.. like still in a car seat.. She was in the back seat with John, and she was being HORRID. I reached back to pinch her leg, but pinched John's instead. Oops. I told him it was a preventative strike for the next time he was naughty.

"Dear Lord, Please be with Chris tonight as he sleeps in his own room because he's now a big boy. Help him fall asleep quickly and easily. Give him only good dreams about how beautiful and skinny his mother is, and about how wonderfully awesome and talented she is on Tuesdays. Keep all the ghosts and monsters conveniently contained in his big sister's room because she'll be too busy texting to really notice anyway. Let him fall asleep with the hope he'll get to take the Kindle on the bus tomorrow, but also the knowledge that it will never happen. Please make sure he has a good, deep and satisfying sleep, so he will not be crabby and impossible for his poor, tired mommy in the morning. Thank you. Amen."

Bre: "Peaseeeeeee she shall be my puppy and I shall love her and squeeze her and call her George (just kidding, I won't name her George) but if she was my doggy I would take care of her. Seriously. This would be my doggy. Only my doggy. I'll even work for some of the money or all or it or something. It's the perfect opportunity for a new puppy mom! And I will love it forever because chihuahuas always stay little and cute!"
Me: "Kayla's little."
Bre: "And I love her. But she's not mine. And this would be my doggy forever and ever and we shall play and I shall love her and I shall snuggle with her and she shall be mine! And my doggy will love me!
Me: "Maybe.. Or she might only love me cuz I'm home with her all day brainwashing her."
Bre: "Don't do that to my doggy!"

"Brenna, don't talk with your mouth open!"

"If you wanna stay home from school, you should at least act sick."

"No, you may not eat the garnish off of the floor."

"I told you if you poured a bunch of salt in your water that you'd have to drink it."

I'm pretty sure all moms make their daughters pluck their beard hairs for them.

I taught my daughter to do somersaults on demand as soon as she could stand. Something that came back to bite me when my friend yelled out "somersault!" while Brenna was in a wading pool. Feel free to think that one through. I'm headed to bed :)