Blog.

I've had my ringtone stuck in my head.. day and night.. for nearly 2 weeks now. Today after my shower, I found myself kind of dancing to it. I might be losing my mind. It's too soon to tell though.

Tonight is sparring and advanced class. It's been awhile since I've seen Chris decked out in his pads and gear. I need to track down his mouth guard before he can go. I was glad to hear him ask if he could start going to spar again.

Zac titled my blog today. Please direct any lack-of-creativity complaints to him.

Masterchef UK is nowhere near as entertaining as Gordon Ramsay's US version. I am completely bored.

Does anyone besides Sam read this? Just wondering.

I need to get off the computer and finish writing letters. I did go out and find the mouth guard and dug his gear out of the closet.

Random Fact Time.. I don't like butter on my pancakes or waffles.

I can not figure out how to keep my head from itching. I've used a ton of different kinds of shampoos/conditioners, but it's still miserable. It's okay for about an hour after I shower.

I suppose I should go wash a pot to make mac and cheese in. I just decided I'm hungry.

I haven't brushed my teeth yet today. The list grows..

Stale crackers and squirt cheese.. Yummy! Sort of.

My hair is uncomfortably long. It's just past my shoulders, but it's summer, and I hate it.

......

Well it's 7pm now. I've had this open all day. We skipped karate because Brenna is sick.

I'm off to find supper..

Farewells, Vacations, School, and waiting for babies..

We lost Chris's dog Reagan to an accident at the end of July. It was really hard to say goodbye.. Especially for Chris. Reagan was his sleeping buddy and protector. Yes, Chris does have another dog, but Freddie is an outside dog, and I have yet to think of a way to house train him so he doesn't pee all over his room at night. So Chris is lonely at night. He's had someone or Reagan to sleep with basically his entire life. Bedtime is a fight.. including a lot of tears. I'm hoping that will settle down.

This summer we went to Colorado for a week to visit Zac's family. That's always a good time! We went to a museum, played cards, and spent a lot of time chatting and watching movies. Chris got pretty good at pitch. Everyone (but me) went to Despicable Me 2 on July 4th since there was a fire ban resulting in no fireworks. My parents saved some for our return, and lit them off when we got home. It was fun to get that time with them.

The kids and I went to Omaha with my parents, John, Jason and Brenna's friend Rebecca for 3 days. Museums, the zoo, Breadeaux Pizza, Melodrama, Mini Golfing (I was the winner of course!), and motel swimming.. And staying in the motel in general was a great time with John's flying squirrel and Jason's spanish channel cartoons.. We picked an excellent day for the zoo! It was cool and rainy.. SO much better than the hotness we usually experience.

The Bright Family Reunion was also a lot of fun! It always nice to see my mom's cousins, and how much the kids have grown. I enjoy listening to Great Aunt Josephine's stories, and there's always good food. It's a long drive, but it's worth it. Josephine is 95 this year! She's an awesome lady!

My daddy just brought me some Dr. Pepper. He rocks.

School. Blah. Brenna is a junior, and Chris is in 2nd grade. He was very excited to start school because he gets to see Austin and Gage. Brenna was not so excited. None of us like to get up early. It's something that never gets easier no matter how long school has been in session. We're just not morning people.. even when we go to bed early..

Zac has moved to 2nd shift. He's not happy about it because now he misses all the kids stuff, and only sees them on weekends. I have to do all the driving to various activities. BUT, I don't have to go to bed at 8pm now, and I like that. I have a chance to unwind in bed watching tv while waiting for my medication to kick in.. It's awesome!

Chris had karate graduation yesterday. He's now a purple belt. There's only one belt separating him and Brenna now.

I cleaned of the "laundry chair" today. Now I have 4 small piles left of clothes to put away. So I was a little productive today. Go me. I still have a lot to do to be ready for a week of school though. Being organized is not my strong point. I'm pretty annoyed that my OCD doesn't make my house straight and sanitized beyond belief. I will straighten the same picture many times a day though. And my cupboard doors are always closed? Let's pretend that counts. I have to go through Chris's clothes sometime. His dresser is overflowing with winter clothes. I know the pants are too short for him. Time to make room for new.. When we can afford it.. So much to do.. And so little motivation to do it..

My friend's daughter is in the hospital while they try to determine if she's having her baby or not. The waiting is making me nuts! I want to see that little boy so bad! It's very exciting :)

I have 3 more medications to get off of. It's still up in the air if I'll be able to sleep or not. I'm hoping my doctors can come up with a solution, but if not I suppose I am willing to just suck it up and nap when I can.

I guess it's time to make Chris come home from grama's and take a shower. I need to go through his backpack, start laundry and get him to eat.

But first I have to get him home.

Wish me luck.

Video Games and Animals

Chris just earned himself 2 hours of video game time. How was I to know he'd take me up on the offer to clean in his room for an hour to get it? I underestimated his determination to play as much electronics as possible today I guess.  He's currently kicking some serious Monkey Ball ass.

I gained 10 pounds. Just in time for a doctor visit on Wednesday. I just love having my weight documented for posterity. Oh well, it gives me a goal to lose some before my July appointment. It's hard when I'm craving ramen noodles so bad. I NEED them. It's a need. I swear.

We started Chris on Vyvanse for ADHD. I've noticed a little change, so I guess that's a good thing. Today I wish there was a pill to stop his nonstop talking. Just for a few minutes. Dear Lord just give me a couple minutes of silence. Don't get me wrong, I'm still glad he's out of school for the summer. I quite enjoy sleeping in till at least 9am. A lot. But the talking. Holy Cow.

Brenna stays in her room until meal time, or time to go to karate. So I haven't really seen much of her. I like to pretend she's studying to get her learner's permit, but I know she's texting and ipodding like a mad woman instead. Maybe I'll let Freddie loose in her room later. That'd be fun to watch. For me anyway.

Tball's in Sumner tonight. I'm hoping the ball field is easy to find. Chris looks so awesome in his little uniform and cleats. I'm sure everyone is tired of pictures. I think almost all of my pictures so far this month are of Chris and animals. Well there's one of my mom and Jarrod's baby too though. So that counts as variety.

I've had enough of ticks already this year. I have one dog that won't let me get them off of him, so that's annoying. It takes 2 people to hold his tiny ass down. I can't believe how strong his little body is.

Zac keeps turning the a/c down to 65. I hate being hot just as much as the rest of the world, but that's even too cold for me in the house. Plus I can't imagine how it's creeping up the electricity bill.

My hair smells good.

And on that note.. Toodles!

not a happy camper..

I'm losing half my income. I've lost medicaid and the therapy etc that goes with it.

I'm screwed.

Did I speak too soon?

Ok, by now I should be an expert of discerning whether I'm depressed or just having a bad day.. but I'm not. I'm really worried that things are headed south again. Yesterday was just awful. I'm electing to get out of the house early today thinking that will help curb any issues right away. My house is overwhelming. My man is going back to work (hopefully) and leaving me alone all day and night. I got summoned for jury duty. I'm tired of getting up at 6am.. definitely ready for school to be over because of that.. My cousin, and pastor are moving in June.. Plus a couple of Brenna's friends are going too.. I don't do well with change.

I need to start over. I wish I could build my new house already. We drove around looking at ones we like yesterday. There are some really cool houses out there.

I lost medicaid. This could be really bad depending on what all medicare pays for. I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

I have weird black dots on my fingers. I'll bring them up to the doctor when I'm there in a couple weeks. I'll probably be covered in them by then.

I'm getting some help next week. I've had plans for it before, but it never works out.. so I'm skeptical.. But we'll see.. I'm still not sure what to do with my dogs and Zac during it. One dog I can catch, and put in the cage, but the other one I can't, and he'll just stand around and bark the whole time. Annoying.

Well, I suppose I'm done complaining for now. Here's to hoping today is better!

Betterness

Well ECTs are over.. I had to stop due to some slurring.. but I'm better now. The depression is gone too. Yippee.

Not much is going on. I'm in the mood to text lately.

I have to skip therapy because of the weather. Other schools are being cancelled, but ours isn't.. yet..

Yep, that's it.. I'm off to eat ramen noodles!

Married, for real

Well, I'm married. And glad it's over. And yeah. That's about all I have to say about it. Nothing changed but my name, and we're not going to discuss that.

We gave up on the having another baby idea when I completely freaked out when I went off my meds. This upsets me, but since no one will just have one for me, I'm out of (affordable) options.

I'm depressed enough in general for oodles of reasons.. the biggest of which I think has to do with having been off my meds, and gotten myself in a hole not even meds can dig me out of now that I'm back on them.

For this reason I'm going back in for more ECTs. My physical is on Monday, and hopefully they'll start shortly after that.

I am that desperate to stop crying.