I've been doing a lot of thinking about my past, present and future today for some reason. What I knew, what I know, and what I should have figured out.
I knew what I did. I knew what I took. I knew what I smoked. I knew who I wanted. I knew who I loved. I knew who I missed.
I know who I love. I know who I miss.
I didn't know mental illnesses filled every fiber of my being - right down to my toenails. I knew everyone was secretly like that.
I know (now) they're not.
I knew why I moved out. I knew why I moved in. I knew why they were my friends. I knew why they stopped being my friends.
I know why I lose friends.
I knew why I returned. I knew why I quit school. I knew why I quit my job.
I know why this is my home.
I knew why I got pregnant. I knew why I kept her.
I know why I had her.
I knew how I was no longer able to ignore it.
I know why I got help.
I know my meds (and pop) make me gain weight. I know meds will always be a part of my life. I know that my hair is falling out. I know that I'm afraid of showers. I know that I'm afraid of windows. I know that I love Spongebob.
I know my son owes his teacher a quarter. I know we're having chicken for supper. I know I need to do some rearranging.
I know I need to get started. Darnit.
